Not Any Kind o' Sugar Mama

Still Good

2006-10-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

I am continuing to have the occasional sugar (eg. one item, once a week). It blows me away how much I was ingesting before...

Still losing weight (I wasn't fat before, but this point just goes to show what sugar was doing); still having that other weird medical problem (not yet figured out); still terribly, wonderfully happy. I'm needing a lot less sleep these days (maybe the iron supplement; maybe my excitement about work; maybe the result of my body not having to cope with sugar).

I and my budget are utterly grateful to the change.

Happiest Ever

2006-09-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

I am the happiest I've ever been. I wondered today how much quitting sugar has made that so. These days, I can have sugar once in awhile (still prone to binges once I start though), and then go good stretches without. I'm so much calmer.

New Treat!

2006-09-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

I wanted a chocolate treat so badly tonight, and might have gone out to the store for that "maltitol bar" I've allowed myself, but did not feel safe going out in the dark.

In desperation, I remembered my mum's recent suggestion of "jam and cocoa mixed together and spread onto a graham cracker". I had initially disregarded this, as Graham crackers are a no-no and I couldn't think of anything to replace it. But ah, necessity is the mother of invention so...

I mixed fair trade cocoa and (fruit only) organic jam. It was a bit stiff, so I added a touch of rice milk. It was great! (My toddler liked it, too.) I put a second "batch" in the freezer. Oh my goodness! The freezing made it cool, really brought out the raspberry flavour, and made for a lovely texture that just peeled onto the spoon. Wow! This is going to save me time and money --and best of all no more chemical sugar!

This treat is something between ice cream and a chocolate bar. Yay!

...And Your Blood Sugar

2006-09-14T14:01:00.000-07:00

After a month of iron supplements, I became very sick again today. Current idea: pre-menstrual hypoglycemia. I never even knew there was such a thing, but the timing made me suspicious and sure enough, there is a correlation. This said, we've all suspected general hypoglycemia in me for years and years. Again, before quitting sugar, it may be wise to determine if an addiction has a specific physiological basis. Sugar/chocolate may have been the only thing holding me up, and I may have pulled the rug out from under myself! Calmer and smaller is great, but if once a month I feel like I'm going to collapse in the grocery store, the first two don't cut it.

I feel quite a bit better after a hot milk/molasses/cocoa powder, and have requested a referral to a community nutritionist for help developing a food plan that addresses blood sugar while caring for a nursing toddler 21 hours a day.

Iron Woman

2006-09-12T02:38:00.000-07:00

Also wanted to note that the iron supplements (Floravit) really seems to be helping with this. The anemia is still an issue, but the supplement seems to have balanced out any cravings. I don't need copious amounts of rice milk, etc, anymore (awesome for my ungarbage goals). When I am just drained, I don't move toward junk food, rather I take an extra dose.

With my previous extreme sugar habit, many friends suggested I get my mineral levels, etc, checked for imbalances. I have smart friends.

Going Strong

2006-09-12T02:19:00.000-07:00

No Sugar Mama said that she's loving quitting sugar - and I think either she's joking or it's that sense or relief that her body will no longer be swinging on the sugar highs and lows.

Actually, neither! What I've been loving this time is that it's so darned easy compared to the first time --no intense cravings; no withdrawal symptoms; no fear. Quitting June 1st had all of those. After my Sugar Vacation, I simply stopped again, as planned, without a hitch.

That is amazing to me. I'm loving that it is so possible to have a new option, to feel strong and physically normal, etc.

Today was another party. Far away relatives temporarily near; cakes and cookies from my favourite pastry shop; homemade cinnamom buns --oh, it was tempting! But I thought of my brother and did not indulge. At the end of it all, goodies all safely nestled inside everyone else's bellies, I initiated a bit of a "no sugar rah rah" with my brother...whose face suddenly looked guilty. He said he'd had some ketchup with sugar in it...I balked, then got over it saying, "But you've had no treat sugar..." Deeper guilt. Hey! He had had one of the cinnamon buns! Grrr! He says he is recommitted and can do this. Good. (It's so much easier with a buddy!!!)

In any case, while I was tempted today, I was also grateful to have quit, because seeing all those goodies, I knew full well that this would have been a binge otherwise, and I just don't need another one right now.

Day 4 Again

2006-09-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

Yep. I fell off the wagon. First, the Nutella stint. Then a day or so without sugar. Then a cookie or two. Then a day without, maybe. Then sugar every day, and MORE and MORE every day. My older sister came to town and made chocolates! She said I had to keep eating sugar until her visit (termed the "anti-spa") was over. I agreed. I tried my best to make myself eat everything I had been fantasizing about those 77 days. I did finally eat a Super Jos Louis and you know what? It looks like it's going to be crap, but I did enjoy it. I didn't manage to get the M&M Ice Cream Pie Slice in (as I had feared, it was non-existent by the time I got around to it!), nor the ice cream cone from my favourite ice cream parlour (now closed until Easter). But, I did well nonetheless.

The other good news is that I am indeed back on the wagon. I planned the duration of my relapse, and the restart date for no sugar.

I even went so far as to quit sugar again a full day BEFORE I had committed to.

And this time I have a buddy! My brother has quit too. We set our quit date together, and our end date for Hallowe'en. (I plan to have a good time again then, and quit again 'til the Christmas-type season.) My brother doesn't have the crazy sugar love like I do, but his teeth are ailing and he cannot access a dentist, so this is what he is doing.

The best news of all: it was soooooooo much easier to quit this time. No real cravings or anything. I am tired today (the dreaded Day 4, right?) but hell, I'm anemic, AND slept not a single wink last night to boot.

So anyway, that's where I'm at. Day 4. And loving it.

Before You Quit Chocolate...

2006-08-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

...get your iron levels checked.

After my last period started, my body collapsed in on itself. My doctor tested for oodles of different mineral levels, and we learned today that my iron is crazy low.

It is ironic to me that I got so sick three months after quitting sugar. I honestly wonder if my (relatively high in iron) chocolate habit was keeping me out of hot water.

Of course, I'm sure iron supplements are better for me, but this is still my first question in the anemia-recovery journey!

That Was Weird

2006-08-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

So, no longer having a goal in place, I told myself, "Enjoy then! Until you come up with a new plan, have what you want. Yahoo!"

Fine.

I was helping a friend with a big clean of her place --found so many bags of cookies in her cupboard. I snapped up what I thought was a bag of my favourites. When I realized it was a different kind, I was disappointed and thought, "Nah..." As if! As if I'd ever before turned down any chocolatey, creamy cookies because they weren't my absolute, top, all-time favourites! Anyway...

I opted for the second bag, those cinnamon swirly ones, then put them back, thinking, "Actually, I'll have one after we're all done working here."

I never did have one of those cookies. I FORGOT about them! Huh?!? When I thought of them later, it was a passing consideration, gone as fast as it'd arrived.

And THEN I went for an evening walk, telling myself to go ahead and have a Super Jos Louis. I was, I kid you not, TINGLING with anticipation. The texture, the taste...I went to the store, not giving a crap what any of you thought of me, I was having this...I went to the Super Jos Louis section, looked..."Nah..."

What the?!?!

Truly, my whole body and soul said, "Nah..." I kept looking at that package, almost trying to convince myself of how good it was going to be. But as I continued looking at the package, all I could think was, "That doesn't look all that good." I imagined eating it. Nothing. A little turned off, actually.

Weird.

I was, though, attracted enough to the little specialty, sugar-free bar I've been allowing myself once a week all the way along. I took one of those and enjoyed it.

I can't believe my body said no! All that daydreaming, anticipating, tingling...

It's a good thing, just totally weird to me.

Back on Track

2006-08-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised. I ate that spread stuff, and nothing since. I had all along assumed that once I had one dose, I would go crazy for it again, needing it daily, or several times daily. So far so good, though. I still walk right by the stores; still choose healthy, homemade meals; etc. Almost like a normal person.

As of yesterday, I'm taking 700mg/day of Magnesium (with Calcium and D for absorption). The Mag needs to be taken in four separate doses, so when I have thought about chocolate, I've just taken that instead.

I Ate Some

2006-08-19T12:30:00.000-07:00

Once the end-event was cancelled, the no sugar plan was one big question mark. As I was working on a plan, which I imagined would involve at least (and hopefully at most) one "dose", my sister said: "Oh, I'm just going to leave this at your house..."

"This" was a jar of organic chocolate hazelnut spread. That's right. I said, "Oh, I will eat it." And that was that.

Over three days, I ate that whole jar. 400 grams.

One would think that after 70+ days without, I'd be satisfied with a spoonful. Or sickened by more. Neither. I ate joyously and easily. I put it away when I felt like it, but it sure as heck wasn't after one spoonful. No sir.

In the meantime, I completed an extensive, on-line, naturopathic evaluation. It said, "MAGNESIUM MAGNESIUM MAGNESIUM!" Okay okay! I am getting some as soon as I finish this post. Apparently, magnesium is indicated for everything significant I reported, from bruxism to miscarriages to anxiety to short-temperedness to chronically achey legs to eternal lactation to, yes, chocolate cravings.

Off I go.

Day Who Knows?

2006-08-16T11:53:00.000-07:00

Stress and anxiety still bring up a craving. Always for a Super Jos Louis (like a double Wagon Wheel) or an ice cream sandwich.

The visit by the Buddhist monk, the original end date for my no-sugar commitment, is cancelled. Over the past several days I've basically let go of that event as the end date. But where does that leave me? On two different days I told myself to go ahead and buy crap. While I feel confident that I could eat just one item, I still feel very nervous that, the following day or shortly thereafter, I would return to regular binging.

I don't want to go back to ingesting all that crap. I'm calmer and happier and more sane without it. Not to mention smaller. (Interesting that Days 65-70ish, my body seemed to finally believe this is true and effortlessly adjusted down.)

Anyway, lately when I think about crap food, I look at or think about my kid. I think about what better a parent he has while I'm not eating crap. And he deserves that. So no garbage for me still. One day I'll eat something, but I need a plan in place first. (I'm actually thinking about taking some classes in positive mental reinforcement to prevent a return to old ways.)

Days 69 & 70

2006-08-09T19:57:00.000-07:00

Well, this is it, I think...The beginning of a transition. I am doing so much on-line these days (various projects), and there is such little dialogue in the sugar-free blog community, that I may start posting less often.

Yesterday I went to my family's house --and for the first time in my sugar-free journey, I did it without fear of the binge potential! I ate lots of other food. There were cookies, etc, to be had, but I didn't partake. In fact, my very greeting consisted of my dad handing me a chocolate thingamajig. I took it happily, without thinking, then said: "Wait! I don't eat this --it's sugar!" (As in previous visits, he did a mock sobbing.)

I noticed how much better I enjoyed the whole evening. I simply wasn't obsessed about filling up on junk food. They always have stuff I have never allowed in my house --ice cream; cookies; etc-- and I used to take the opportunity for a free binge, spread over several hours. (Ugh.) In these opportunities, I don't feel I'm controlling myself. I feel like I'm making a simple choice. I keep choosing health and calm.

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Day 68

2006-08-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

Google Ads are gone -yay!

Another easy day.

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Day 67 - Bija Tea

2006-08-06T22:06:00.000-07:00

Sorry for those horrible, anti-anti-sugar Google ads, everyone. I can't figure out how to get rid of them! I'm hoping Google will write back soon to tell me. (If anyone else knows, please speak up!)

Another easy day. I am getting into better habits (wow, that only took 2+ months). A sandwich (okay, two), rather than crap, when hungry. Bija Deep Cleanse tea, cold, as a treat. The tea has licorice and other tasty herbs. Very refreshing.

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Day 66

2006-08-06T03:47:00.000-07:00

I had an exciting, happy surprise today. Also lots of working and plenty of important processing. All of these would formerly have triggered junk food binges. It just didn't even come up today! That amazes me. It amazes me that something that seemed so absolutely, utterly automatic and requisite is not at all. It's so much easier to live this way!

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Day 65

2006-08-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

I've developed some good habits. Today I had run out of food again (I didn't say perfect habits!) so got myself something nutritious to eat before heading out for several hours of errands, including grocery shopping. Pre-quit I was never able to buy groceries without getting a high sugar treat there --and usually on the way home as well. Stress is so much easier to handle, too. Yay!

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Day 64 - Garbage

2006-08-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

We are getting ready for Ajahn Sona to come to town --making posters, etc. His visit is my sugar-free goal. Just 6 weeks away. I remember how hard --almost impossible-- it seemed at the beginning.

Today, no sugar thoughts, no snack store.

When I took my garbage out, I realized the only thing in the tiny bag, besides a literal handful of miscellanous stuff, were three rice milk tetra packs. They aren't recyclable where I live. If I could give up this last sweet frontier, I'd not only be sugar free, I'd be garbage free! I'm so glad I'm no longer throwing out so much junk food packaging.

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Day 63

2006-08-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

How tricky minds are! I went to get a snack at the store, saw something chocolately, and thought, "Oh I can have that. It won't get me back on the binge." But I knew, oh I knew...

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Day 62

2006-08-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

I received a voucher for a free quart of Rice Dream Frozen Non-Dairy Dessert. I chose Cocoa Marble Fudge. It has no sugar (sweetened with rice syrup).

I was having a little bowl and remembered that last time I had it I thought, "Ah, this just isn't as good as ice cream." After 61 sugar-free days, though, I thought, "Yum! Oh, this is so fun! What a treat!" Etc.

Treats are relative, and we create/build tastes for less healthy alternatives. I know that I had to "train hard" to get to my previous junk food capacity. Today it seems simpler not to train for a huge junk capacity, and to enjoy simpler, healthier treats.

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Day 61 - Two Months!

2006-07-31T18:51:00.000-07:00

Two months completed today. Yay!

The vast majority of the time it is so easy now. I am so glad to have the calm, the weight, the health of no sugar.

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Day 60 - Rain

2006-07-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

The good news --the heat wave is over!!! The also good news --it poured rain today! The challenge --the first cool, rainy weather since I quit sugar. Boy, did that bring up a whole new level of craving. I wanted so much to sit in a coffee shop and drink hot chocolate. (That's the only hot drink I like.) I ordered chamomile tea. I also wanted a nanaimo bar or something equally rich, big, and chocolatey. A low-grade experience of grief, a need to break a very old habit, challenged to find a different way to live in rain. I did it.

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Day 59

2006-07-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

All is well.

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Day 58 - Posting Kerfuffle

2006-07-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

I let go of the habit of blogging each evening. I was naturally moving into playing and walking at my former posting time. I thought it would work just as well to post in the mornings, but I've actually kind of lost track. I'm mucking about to get it all corresponding again. If you're checking in here daily, please don't miss the late-posted Day 56 post on 'Calories'.

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Day 57 - Momentum

2006-07-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, without effort, I no longer need/want the molasses in my cocoa/rice milk drink. Just like that.

Something I am trying to be more conscious of is my snack habit. I still love to go to the junk food store at least every second day to get something small and relatively expensive (not sugar things, but Sun Rype fruit bars, etc). I'm gently paying attention to that. The daily forays are part of the former sugar habit.

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Day 56 - Calories

2006-07-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

When I ate a lot of sugar, part of the reason was that I didn't know how else to get enough calories and energy to get through a day.

Some things that demand extra calories and/or extra nutrition include

-stress
-concentration (writing papers, etc)
-exercise (including walking groceries home, etc)
-breastfeeding
-creative work
-pregnancy
-cold weather

We should be prepared to eat copious amounts of healthy food in these instances. If we don't, we will feel very vulnerable to sugar's seduction.

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Day 55 - Anger

2006-07-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

On Day 55 (yesterday) I thought I might eat sugar. And not just a little bit. Oh so much. I thought I would break my sugar fast with a vengeance. Vengeance being the key word.

I was feeling overwhelmed by so many projects, and by not having the infrastructure in place to pull them all off. I was frustrated. I wanted other people to step up, to make my dreams easier to achieve. Insufficient support was making me angry. And in my anger, I began to daydream/plan a sugar binge. After a few minutes, I thought: What the hell is this?!? Why does being angry make me want sugar?? How do I think that would help?!

And I realized...crystal clear...A sugar binge would "show them". It would "show them" that I wasn't getting enough support to pull everything off. If they saw me break my sugar fast, they would believe me about how badly I need their help and support.

Oh.

Oh. My projects are mine. Right. No one is obligated to support me in them. Right. If I don't have resources to do them, I must drop one or more. Right.

Upon the above realizations, the sugar craving almost entirely vanished. Instead of sugaring, I talked to D, and we are creating a new plan for simplifying and supporting.

By the end of the day, I was reasonably happy, but too tired to post.

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Day 54 - Stepping It Up

2006-07-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

I'm very excited to announce that D and I are building a new site for this journey. It will have lots of features for us all to play with. Stay tuned!

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Day 53

2006-07-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

All is well. Heat is reported at 47C/117F, but I've been getting good amounts of alone time, and have finally managed to get some protein in (red curried lentil/coconut/rice dish) and feel great. Quitting sugar is barely an issue when basic needs are met. The self-care piece is key!

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Day 52

2006-07-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

Had a good rest yesterday, then today again when my sister took my kiddo out for several hours. Feel good again.

I've gotten quite good at being in the same room as sugar. This past week, my sister stored a chocolate birthday gift here. I hid it on myself to avoid temptation. At the birthday, I saw some of my favourite cake being eaten, but I wasn't overwhelmed. Today, more treats at my place. Again, I did okay. I say "okay" because junk still tempts me. I still remember the flavour. I wouldn't ask myself to be around it regularly --that would be asking more than I care to challenge myself with. One of the simplest things I can do for myself is to not be around it.

I have also noticed that sugar no longer comes up as a "coping" response to these freakishly high temperatures (40C/104F).

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Day 51

2006-07-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt it was Day 50 and I ate an ice cream. In my dream, there was simply no external nor internal motivators not to. It was no fight. I just went ahead and enjoyed it. I didn't want to ugly my blog with this fact, though. In the end, I decided it was important to keep posting the truth. I decided to post that I had eaten ice cream, call the post "off the wagon", and just carry on, pick up my no sugar journey where I'd left off. I decided I didn't even have to start the count over, but rather acknowledge that on Day 50 I'd slipped, then carry on. Although I came to terms with it in my dream, when I woke I was so happy it'd only been a dream.

*

Sometimes, my psyche gets full. When that happens, I feel overwhelmed, limited, tearful, etc. It means I need solitude, silence, and the opportunity to write --sometimes for five hours a day, up to seven days in a row.

This hasn't happened in awhile, but I'm there now. I've looked back over the past week or so to see why. Ah, my usual times alone I did not have this week. When that happens, I get off track --and my best habits get lost in the shuffle.

I have decided to find that time immediately. Okay, how do I do that with a toddler? And how do I relax and/or write in sweltering temperatures? I imagined this scenario and that and finally got it. Today, I will pack up myself and my kid for at least 4 hours in our favourite community church building. They know us, and will let us use a room. He will colour, nap, and play. I will write and rest. We will not see anyone.

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Day 50

2006-07-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today I feel overwhelmed. I ate poorly (not sugar, but not much nutrition, either). Swamp cooler broke down, very hot here. Etc. Oh well. When I ate sugar, I felt like this more days than not! Sugar used to be my fix. Now I'm trying to work out some solitude to get some real, daily writing in.

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Day 49

2006-07-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

It's so great when others join us. It's helpful to know others further ahead on the journey, and those who started after us. Combined, their blogs give solid insights, reminders of how far we've come, and a deepening groundedness to look forward to.

Tomorrow is a birthday. I'm making those spicy tofu cookies again so that I have something to enjoy while the others eat cake.

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Day 48

2006-07-18T17:53:00.000-07:00

Wow, David --at nine months in-- is having the sugar addict dreams!

Last night I had no dreams at all --up 11pm-6am with teething toddler. I was dead on my feet all day. That always makes me want sugar in the form of chocolate. That's how I would have gotten by before. Instead I napped every chance I got (twice), picked up some healthy food, gorged on vegetarian sushi. I am about to have my cocoa/rice milk/molasses drink. Rather than think about sugar, I found myself wondering, "If my health is this much better without sugar, what would it be like if I were to introduce more raw foods?" That's a great direction.

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Day 47

2006-07-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

An easy day!

Ate a cherry tomato out of my garden today. I'd rather have that than sugar any day.

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Day 46

2006-07-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

Another afternoon at my family's --an impromptu party. This time, the cake was neither vegan nor sugar-free. (Remember, cake is my favourite!) There were, however, sugar-free scones, fruit picked from the trees, grilled cheese sandwiches, and carbonated lemon water. I filled up.

Last night I dreamt I couldn't stand the smell of chocolate! Wow! Wow!!! Yay!

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Day 45* - New Folks!

2006-07-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

Kitchy (see new link on right) is quitting as of moments ago. Yay!

Kitchy, I've responded to your comment in my Day 44 comment box, and also on your own blog. If you get nervous, please see my list (see link on right) on How To Quit.

Kitchy was not the only new person to comment. Hazim & Tracy did likewise. Kitchy mentioned she'd simply googled "quitting sugar". Hazim & Tracy, please let me know how you found my blog. However and wherever, great for me! Quitting is so much easier when we know people are watching ;)

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[This post got a bit muddled. Excited about a new quitter, I posted "Day 45" late on Day 44, then used it as the basis for my Day 45 post. Can't change the dates on a blog, so it's stuck pretending that Day 45 was on Friday. It will all be mathematically correct by the end of Day 46.]

Day 44 - Weight Changes

2006-07-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

Had to break a habit today --of iced tea with my nachoes and burrito. I've had this combo at a particular restaurant several times a year for the past seventeen years. Not too big a deal. In fact, these most recent days, skipping sugar never feels like a big deal. I just tell myself 'no' and move on to enjoy other things.

I do not have a scale so cannot share in detail what has been happening weight wise, but as of my check in with a public scale today I do know this --since I quit sugar, I have returned to my pre-pregnancy weight. For a couple of weeks I have also known that I am able to see more of my 'structure', that I feel lighter and, best of all, that I am truly happy again with my weight. After two years of gain via pregnancy and junk food, and daily exercise keeping it somewhat manageable, it took only about four weeks of no sugar to lose the stuff that had been insisting on staying put.

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Day 43 - The Movie Theatre

2006-07-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

Today I went to a movie theatre for the first time in two years! I planned to have popcorn there. I forgot that would make me thirsty and whimpered inside when I saw they had only sugar drinks or $3 water. I also did not anticipate how delicious the candies would look in their spiffy class display case. Ouch.

Again, I made it. Thoroughly enjoyed both the popcorn and An Inconvenient Truth.

When we make one change (quitting sugar) that is so integral to our lives, we come to believe we can make whatever changes (reducing carbon output) are needed. How great is that??

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Day 42

2006-07-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

My fridge broke down. Again, no sugar kept me naturally calm.

Most recent days I tell myself, "I can have one ice cream sandwich. Just one, and then I'll carry on without sugar." Then I remember that if I'd been able to do that in the first place, I wouldn't have had to quit cold turkey.

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Day 41 - Strength Quotes

2006-07-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do”. Eleanor Roosevelt

My Mind Can is a real boost to read. (S)he posts daily. I've never heard anyone quit sugar with so much enthusiasm and energy! Awesome.

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi

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Day 40 - Seeking Salsa

2006-07-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

I wanted to pick up some salsa. Read the ingredients: sugar. Of course. Shrugged and said, "Well, I guess we have to make our own." I am not big on food preparation, but I'll do it. Anyone have a simple recipe?

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Day 39 - Sun Rype Bars

2006-07-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

A couple of nights ago I dreamed three different times of eating sugar by accident. In the dreams, I snagged something for energy, ingested, then too late realized the treat was a sugar one. These dreams have made me feel extra on-guard.

Today I went to one of my old haunts, checked to see if they'd stocked anything without sugar yet. Yep! Not only do they now carry three sugar (and substitute) free juices, they also stock Sun Rype "fruitsource" bars. I had one cherry and one fruit & veggie. My buddy told me I'd hate them, but they were hearty and sweet, so I loved them!

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Day 38 - Sugar & Global Justice

2006-07-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

I just survived a wedding! Ill-prepared, I neglected to bring either vegetarian fare or sugar-free beverages. Lucky for me, there was a single Tropicana Grape Juice (!) and oodles of awesome food. Cake, with as much icing as possible, is my favourite. When that came out, oooohhhh...The only thing that kept me from ingesting was the thought of having to admit that here. They served watermelon at the same time so I absorbed myself in that.

Thanks to Kate for letting me know that New Internationalist (one of my favourites) did an entire issue on justice and sugar. You can read most of the articles on-line by searching their database for the December 2003 issue. Lots of good stuff!

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Partners In Health

Day 37 - How

2006-07-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

No More Sugar Baby asked how I push through the crave crazed days.

1. Pride. I have a fierce pride that helps me do anything people say is impossible. That is actually a motivation. No one gets to say I couldn't do it.

2. Comrades. I think about all the addicts (whatever substance or behaviour) who are staying clean from their drug of choice. I believe (a) if they can do it, so can I, and (b) if we all give in, we'd be in a terrible mess. I know a lot of recovering addicts (alcohol, hard drugs), have hung out at 12 step meetings, and feel a strong solidarity with those who find they must abstain.

3. The other side. In the worst of it, I almost "meditate" --certainly focus my attention-- on what my life is without this crazy drug. I recall the peace, how much more people like me sugar-free, how much better a parent I am. Notice I don't think about the diabetes I'm avoiding --that's too removed and remote. I super focus on the immediate/short term/measurable results.

4. People in Haiti. I know that for every day I quit junk, I can save lives. That's huge. For me, eating one chocolate bar quickly shifts to daily bingeing. Daily junk costs me an average of $5/day. $5/day can save several lives. That's the major impetus for me. Ultimately, using my life to contribute to balance, rather than inequity, does it for me. The coupons serve as a daily reminder.

5. Goal. Knowing that I get to eat crap in 2.5 months is crucial for me.

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Partners In Health

Day 36 - Grfl

2006-07-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

Today was crap. Actually, not entirely. But a lot of not great things happened. Happily, I was relatively (really quite) calm. I believe this is because of the no sugar. And I didn't crave it --it simply didn't seem like any sort of solution. Instead, I dug up my lawn, went for a walk, played outside with the baby, etc. Those *are* solutions. Good good.

The last half hour I've been feeling increasingly down. I was relieved to find new posts by Denny and No More Sugar Baby, and one by David introducing us to MyMindCan (see newest link to the right), who is on his/her second sugar free day and sounding determined.

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Partners In Health

Day 35 - Tools for Quitters

2006-07-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

The Overview

See Day 23 for basic tips on quitting.

Books

See Day 20 for a list of related books.

On-Line Support Groups

Kick Sugar Support Group

Radiant Recovery's Various Groups

Inspiration - People Who've Done It

Connie quit sugar and wrote a book about it. She also founded and moderates the on-line support group mentioned above.

David is well on his way through his full year commitment.

The Boutenko family became seriously ill on a conventional American diet. "Victoria [mom] had arrhythmia and edema and was obese and depressed. Igor [dad] suffered from painful rheumatoid arthritis and had severe hyperthyroid. Sergei [son] was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes and was supposed to go on insulin. Valya [daughter] had asthma. After we went on a raw diet, we healed all of our health problems."

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Partners In Health

Day 34 - Whew

2006-07-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

That awful blip is over. I no longer have that intense (or really any) desire for crap. That was a close one, though.

It helps to read the post of another quitting sugar altogether. See the link for No More Sugar Baby on the right.

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Partners In Health

Day 33 - Autopilot

2006-07-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

I ate no sugar. Yesterday and this morning I wanted so badly wanted to quit quitting.

What helped today was reading David's reasons. Most of them resonate deeply with me, especially the worry vs calm, and energy.

Today I simply trusted in my reasons for quitting in the first place. I used those to set my course on 'autopilot'. At one point today, I thought: "I'll just have one Super Jos Louis. That'll satisfy my lust for sugar and I'll carry on without." Bull caca. If I'd ever been able to do that, I would have. Besides, I didn't say I can never eat sugar again. I just have to wait 2.5 more months, until Ajahn Sona comes to town. The, oh then, I can have a Super Jos Louis, and all the other things I fantasize about.

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Partners In Health

Day 32 - Ugh

2006-07-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but today I want to quit quitting sugar. It's like it's no fun anymore. No pledges. No other daily bloggers. It's still hot (now 37 degrees) everywhere and I can fully imagine how refreshing a Super Jos Louis would be, a break from hell.

Mostly, I think it's that I feel I've done it. I've quit sugar through heat, holiday, stress, and celebrations. Challenge gives me strength; without this, I have no personal determination left. I've always been better for short term success than endurance.

D encouraged me through today, but I still feel like quitting. This tells me that my biggest challenge will be endurance --doing this every day despite the lack of new challenges, buddies, pledges, etc.

Coupon

Partners In Health. That helps.

Day 31 - Everyone's Birthday

2006-07-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

Oh, man --Canada Day and D's birthday and 40 degrees Celcius! Triple whammy! Happily, D's mom said it had been too hot for her to bake the chocolate Guiness cake --but then I ended up watching them all share a mocha ice cream pie! Ouch!

Coupon

I have received no pledges for this month, so it's just me for now.

I'm not sure whether to do the coupon thing the same as the first month, or to change the approach. One of my life goals is to get rid of my mortgage debt, so that I can focus my income on (a) the basics for me and my kid, and (b) poverty-relief. In my mind then, paying off my mortgage debt is a step toward a larger poverty-relief effort. Well, for now I'll just keep drawing coupons.

Partners In Health

Day 30 - Totals

2006-06-30T22:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it! Not my ultimate goal --still waiting for the Buddhist monk to come to town-- but a full month. Wow.

My mom and D both say they like me better this way. I guess sugar wasn't making me very sweet. Go figure.

Coupon

Partners In Health $100 (Matched dollar for dollar by Annie, for a total donation to PIH of $200!)
Mortgage $30
Me, Me, Me $20

Day 29 - Hoorah!

2006-06-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

I was really afraid I couldn't do a vacation without sugar. Sometimes it was indeed difficult. 40 degrees Celcius makes me even want a Coca-Cola --something I never drink otherwise.

I'm home now, and I did it. Yay!

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Partners In Health

Day 28

2006-06-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

A-okay!

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Partners In Health

Day 27

2006-06-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

Several days into my holiday, I am surprised to no longer mind skipping my usual holiday fare: ice cream, cinnamon buns, chocolate bars, daily runs for gummy bears and the like.

I'm beating the heat with popsicles made out of orange juice; raspberries/yogurt/orange juice; or cranberry/grape juice.

I'm relieved to find I can be entertained by so many things that aren't sugar --writing, making paper flowers, walking, being eaten by dinosaurs.

Sugar is truly a habit, but one with far less hold on me than it had four weeks ago. It's quite easy now (or again) to go through a day without it. Awesome!

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Partners In Health

Day 26 - Genetics? Bah!

2006-06-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I sported panda bear dark circles around my eyes, puffy bags underneath, and mysterious white dots within those. A professional explained these were fat deposits, and said they were genetic and that there was nothing to be done about it (except perhaps have it all lipo'd).

When I changed my diet, all of these disappeared. So much for genetics.

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Partners In Health

Day 25 - Holidaying

2006-06-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

I am visiting my mom. I wondered how I would do on holiday without sugar. The only sad moment so far has been walking past one of those waffle ice cream cone places, where the delicious scent wafts a full block. Sigh.

It's terribly hot here (we get 36-40 degrees Celcius) and sugar is how I usually cope with heat. I don't know why cookies and chocolate help with heat, but I swear they do.

When I arrived at my mom's there was a tray of homemade, sugar free cookies. I ate those. There were also several sugary things --cookies, chocolate bar, etc. I usually gobble up all her supplies, but haven't this time. I think my holiday is much better for it, too.

Coupon

Esthetics

Day 24 - Rebooting

2006-06-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

I will be off-line for several days rebooting my new sugar-free psyche. I'll be journalling on, oh my, a piece of paper and posting them in several days. See you later!

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Day 23 - How to Stop Eating Sugar

2006-06-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

Write It Down

Make a list of everything crappy you experience that might be connected with your sugar consumption. This list will help keep you on track (especially when you feel so good you forget why you thought you needed to quit).

Set a Goal

A short term goal (eg. three days) has you experiencing the withdrawal and few of the benefits. This can sabotage future efforts.

A long range goal (eg. "forever") can leave you feeling overwhelmed and resentful.

A medium range goal works well. Three weeks, for example, ensures you move through the withdrawal period, and lets you see real changes to your well-being.

Eye on the Prize

I'm not talking about the health, serenity, and other shifts you'll experience. I'm talking about the one thing you crave almost as dearly as sugar. With the money you save, what will you reward yourself with and when? A massage? A spot in an art workshop? A donation to your favourite cause? Make it good. Make it something you wouldn't otherwise be able to do.

Prepare

Have fruits, ingredients for your favourite meals, clean water, etc, ready.

Some people choose to have one last binge before starting their sugar-free time.

Research

Know what sugar is, and how many names it has. Sorbitol, cane syrup, fructose, etc. Brown sugar is still sugar. Aspartame, maltitol, etc, can wreak as much havoc on your health as sugar does.

Know where it's hiding. Check ingredients on bread, tomato sauce, condiments, you name it. There are sugar-free versions of everything. Breads can be fruit juice sweetened, etc.

If this is your first foray into the Sugar Free Kingdom, check out one of these books.

Decide

You might choose to gradually reduce your sugar intake; you might decide to quit "cold turkey". If reducing it gradually, be aware that you may be continuing to feed your addiction, dragging out the withdrawal and making it a more difficult effort overall. However, there is something to be said for "harm reduction". Only you know which method is best for your body and mind.

Determine in advance what you will and will not allow. Two squares per day of bitter chocolate? Molasses? Deciding in advance can prevent a 'slippery slope' started in withdrawal.

Drink Water

Drink at least a litre and a half of water a day. This will do magical wonders to your effort. Too boring? Add slices of lemon or make an iced herbal tea. Wild Berry Zinger is a good one that doesn't even ask for a sweetener.

Sleep

Prepare to go to bed earlier the first week, or to take naps. You may find yourself unable to go as long without stimulants. Even if you can, periods of refuge during your transition may go a long way.

Expect

Expect to feel any of the following withdrawal symptoms: fatigue; depression; anger; resentment; boredom. Blogging (below) can help you survive these temporary experiences.

Use Natural Sweeteners

Unless you are quitting sugar to address a candida imbalance, fruit, dried fruit, etc, can deliver sweetness without pain. Your need for these will likely taper off after the first week.

Keep it Conscious

Maintaining a daily, on-line web journal ("blog") can hook you up with other sugarfrees and keep you accountable and honest.

Buddy Up

Covenant with friends or strangers for mutual commitment. They don't have to be quitting sugar. Wether their addiction is cigarettes or overshopping, your mutual commitment will buoy you both up in critical hours.

Check other people's blogs daily. The purpose of this is to know it is possible, so choose the hardest core ones, not the ones who are waxing and waning.

Start Again

If you miss your initial goal, remember that it is better to quit for a time, fall off the wagon and get back on than to never quit at all! Every sugar-free day increases (a) your overall health, and (b) your confidence that you can do this.

Every day is new. Pat yourself on the back for giving it your best shot, then start again.

Coupon

Another day of big cravings, another day of winning. Esthetics! Oh!

Day 22(B) - Cry for Help

2006-06-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

Why, oh, why did I tell the fates I was doing "fine"? Right there on the 'net, where they can see it!!

In fact, I am having the biggest craving in over two weeks. It is not a physical craving, but a brain one. After the night from parenting hell (teething toddler; up 11pm-5am), I want Smarties. Man, that sounds pathetic. I want Smarties because they will feel good to crunch; because the chocolate and sugar will kick start my brain into some semblance of alertness; because they will be comforting. Smarties does not sound like so much to ask, does it? I am not eating Smarties because if I have one box, I will have, oh, three. And then an ice cream...And then a Sprite...And the whole care package that I used to use to feel good. Smarties won't fix this, and a book I am reading reminds me of some of the very real reasons I quit.

Cry for Help Answered

A few hours after this post, I found comments from fellow no-sugarers, Denny & Caroline. You can read our conversation by clicking on the 'comments' option directly beneath this post. I made it!!

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Mortgage Principle.

Day 22 - Call for Pledges

2006-06-22T10:34:00.001-07:00

Right now I'm doing fine. As July approaches, though, and Annie's pledge comes to a finish, I'm nervous that I will lose will. Accordingly, I've put out a call to others in my hometown -and anywhere else- to submit pledges for July. Considering where I started, if I can quit this, I believe that others can forgo equivalent luxuries to divert funds to those in need.

By my giving up sugar, I can create health for me and for others.

What will you give up so that others may have clean water, homes, nutrition, medicine, stability from which to change their world? The money you usually spend in a single month on a concert, itunes, books, or (non fair trade) coffee can instead support solidarity programs around the world.

Please post your July pledge via the clickable "comments" below any day's entry.

Funds raised go to Partners In Health. Donors are asked to make their donation directly to that organization at the end of their pledge period.

Day 21 - Spicy Tofu Cookies

2006-06-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

This is it! This is the "day 21" I have heard so much about.

After I had given birth to my kid and was struggling with various issues, a naturopath advised me to stop eating crap. The post-partum terror on my face prompted him to say: "Not forever; just for three weeks." I knew he was tricking me. He knew that if I quit for three weeks, I would see results, and have a good chance of staying off.

He was right. I am enjoying my sugar freedom. I feel calm in the evenings. I feel happy going to bed. I still have frustration and overwhelm, because of my lifestyle and world, but it is all so much better!

Spicy Tofu Cookies

These are so good, like the kind you get in a health food store for $8.

1.5 c. flour (I used brown rice flour)
.5 tsp baking soda

.5 c raisins
.5 c. finely chopped walnuts (I used sunflower seeds)
.5 c chopped dates

.5 c butter
2/3 c. honey (I used molasses)
1 free range egg
8 oz tofu
1 tsp ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
.5 tsp nutmeg
.5 tsp salt (I skipped this)
1 tsp vanilla (I skipped this)

Mix together first two ingredients.
To flour mixture, add next 3 ingredients.
Separately, blend remaining ingredients, then add this to flour mixture. Combine well. Drop by spoonfuls onto greased cookie sheet.

Bake 400 degrees F for 10-12 mins.

Coupon

Partners In Health.

Sometimes when I start thinking about sugar, I just add up in my head all the $ I get to send, and that Annie is matching this month, to my favourite organization.

I am especially glad today to have drawn for PIH because I just read the eulogy of one of its young, committed, enduring workers, Ti Jean.

Day 20 - Books for Quitting

2006-06-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

Quitting Sugar for Health

After poor diet almost killed me twelve years ago, I applied the approaches laid out in books called Eating Alive and The McDougall Plan. I recovered completely.

For those making their first foray into the sugar-free world, here are some resources that might help you. The "best" book for you will depend on your own circumstances and personality.

Sugar Blues
by William Dufty
For those motivated by moral outrage, this book explores the political aspects of sugar, and more.

Get the Sugar Out : 501 Simple Ways to Cut the Sugar Out of Any Diet
by Ann Louise Phd Cns Gittleman
A direct, practical guide to eliminating sugar from your diet.

Potatoes Not Prozac: A Natural Seven-Step Dietary Plan to Stabilize the Level of Sugar in Your Blood, Control Your Cravings and Lose Weight, and Recognize How Foods Affect the Way You Feel
by Kathleen DesMaisons

Lick the Sugar Habit
by Nancy Appleton

The Sugar Addict's Total Recovery Programme: All Natural, Simple Solutions That Build Energy, Heal Depression and Enhance Mental Focus
by Kathleen Desmaisons

Your Last Diet: The Sugar Addict's Weight-Loss Plan
by Kathleen Desmaisons
For sugar addicts who also struggle with weight.

The McDougall Plan
by John A. McDougall, Mary A. McDougall
One of their original resources for overall health recovery, the McDougalls now have a variety of complementary books and DVDs described on their website.

Eating Alive: Prevention Thru Good Digestion
by Jonn Matsen
The basics for optimal health.

Eating Alive II: Ten Easy Steps to Following the Eating Alive System
by Jonn Matsen

Coupon

Partners In Health. Isn't this, um, mathematically impossible? But good, so good!

Day 19

2006-06-19T21:38:00.000-07:00

I think I've become normal.

I don't crave sugar anymore. Once in awhile I think of it as a nice idea, but gently shrug it off.

I have energy and calm pretty consistently. I haven't spazzed for a good while.

Good.

What a lovely place.

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Partners In Health. Hoorah!

Day 18 - [Rocky Victory Music]

2006-06-18T13:35:00.000-07:00

I did it!

I ate so much food at my family's house, but no sugar.

My family had made one of their famous folk-art cakes --this one featuring figures kicking a soccer ball, and the letters "FIFA" cut out. Half of the cake was sweetened with molasses; half with honey. Half of the scene was iced. I ate the uniced/molasses side (yes, pretty much all of one half).

My big family is made up of people sensitive to different foods and causes. As a result, the cake was not only sugar-free but vegan. Most of the discussion centered around my young nephews and niece having successfully transitioned to vegetarianism. My new sugar-free ways were just par for the course up there.

Who Is Ajahn Sona?

(Reference Days 1 & 8.)

Ajahn Sona is a Buddhist Monk who travels from his monastery to give talks in various cities. I chose his next (currently unscheduled) visit as my goal for a few reasons.

1. In my perpetually sugar-inspired agitation, I had already decided I should start applying some Buddhist teachings to my life. To celebrate my sugar-free days with his next local talk felt like a good fit.

2. Ajahn Sona was as "worldly" as they come before giving up music, and an otherwise self-centred lifestyle, to become a monk. If he could do that, I figured I could do this. The mantra of "until Sona comes to town" provided an easy reminder of this fact.

3. The presence of, and talks by, Ajahn Sona help me to feel quite peaceful and optimistic, so to incorporate him into my goal was to supply me with a visual and emotional refuge.

Coupons

Yesterday = Partners In Health.
Today [650PM and going off-line for the night] = Partners In Health

Day 17

2006-06-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

Alright! Denny's up and at it! Please check out her blog, and use the "comments" option to cheer her on.

I love her blog's name. She's got a couple of great intro posts up there already --definitely worth checking out. Her honesty is already connecting me with her and her journey.

It's amazing to me that so many of us share such similar ramifications of this addiction, yet it is so little publicized or addressed.

Resources I Have Looked Into

Over the years, I have researched a variety of approaches for getting my sugar intake under control. I looked into Overeater's Anonymous --except that I wasn't necessarily "overeating". Not a fit. I looked into programs for bulimia, except that I don't purge in any form. Not a fit. I looked into general "eating disorder" programs. I didn't have the "symptoms" (extreme weight loss or gain, etc) so I didn't qualify. Amazing, the impact of sugar on human health, and the lack of support to quit it.

People who are not addicted to sugar do not believe this is addiction. I bet my local Health Unit, though, would support me to start a sugar-free support group...

Today

My kid and I are going up to my family's today, and sometimes we sleep over, in which case I won't be able to blog tonight. My fear of their Gingerbread House is profound. My plan? Fill up on protein before I go up. One of my favourite recipes follows.

Favourite Emergency (Fast, and Blood Sugar Regulating) Food

plain organic yogurt*
frozen organic berries (nothing added)
dollop of frozen orange juice
if I have it, a tablespoon of Green supplement

Blend & drink. Sweet, satisfying, long lasting.

*In my usual voraciousness, I start with 450 grams.

Day 16 - Go Denny!

2006-06-16T16:03:00.000-07:00

Denny posted a comment on yesterday's.

I'm going to (try to) do what you're doing.

Yeah!! Go Denny!! You can do this!!

I tried to quit a few weeks ago and had almost managed 2 weeks when I had 3 things on in one day (meeting with friends in a bakery, kid's birthday party, and an afternoon tea thingo. By the time the afternoon tea rolled around my mental strength had waned and I had a small piece of mudcake.

I can surely imagine. For the exact reason you state, I am a tad frightened of going to my family's house tomorrow. A joint birthday/father's day thing. Usually when I go there, I eat three bowls of ice cream, about 15 cookies, etc. Mental strength already waning...

You did almost two weeks before --that's amazing. (Believe me, I know!) The first two weeks have to be among the hardest, and you've already shown yourself you can do it.

Since then sugar has crept back into my diet and it's only getting worse. And I felt so much better when I wasn't eating it. With me, I can't maintain a happy medium so cutting it all out (apart from some cake on my birthday) is probably the best option.

Ya, me, too. Once I get a taste...Better to quit for a time, fall off the wagon, and get back on than never to quit at all!

I will start a blog this weekend too.

Oh awesome. Blogging daily surely helps me stay on track, but I also rely on the blogs of others for inspiration and encouragement. It'll be great to have another unsweet buddy! As soon as your blog is set up, please let me know so I can link to it.

Ready to Blog?

For anyone interested in blogging, the site I used to set up this blog works great --and it's free! Just go to blogspot.com and do a short, step-by-step process to start a blog on any theme.

Thirst

Today I left the house already thirsty. Living in a semi-arid climate, I was shortly parched. I looked for a quenching drink that was sugar free. My body rejected the idea of even the Tropicana Grape Juice though --an interesting development-- and I found nothing else. Finally, I realized an organic orange would do the trick! Amazing how far from the natural ways of eating I am...

I lived in Latin America for a time, and saw how many folks there relied on pop to satisfy thirst. I, too, found it much more effective than plain water, so I started drinking Sprite/7-Up. I had wondered, all these years, why water didn't cut it, and what previous desert generations did. Oh, right, whole fruit.

Spinoffs

Not only are my fingernails still growing, I have now also applied part of my "monthly coupon" approach to dining out. I now have ten coupons allowing me to spend from $5-$7.50 per meal. This has no health applications in my case, but helps me manage my finances better. Again I see that once we become conscious of one habit, others become more manageable with far less (if any) effort.

Coupon

Shutting down early today, so I can get away from the computer. Mortgage principle. C'est la vie. I guess I have to pay it off one day. It's just that twenty-three more years of mortgage isn't as exciting as helping people live, you know? Ya...

Day 15

2006-06-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

D just asked me if I'd like him to grab anything for me from the convenience store. I said: "Ya, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, a Drumstick, Swedish Berries, and a Sprite."

Today I was joking, but that, or some variation thereof, is what I ordered every night until two weeks ago! I can hardly believe that now. I know I could still eat it all up, but I'm so glad I don't feel compelled to anymore!

On the news tonight was mention of a protein that can now be detected, pointing to a risk for diabetes. They said this would allow doctors to tell certain people to exercise and eat healthy.

????????????????????????????

Anyone and everyone ignoring those basics is at risk for terrible illness.

I have no diabetes in my family, but by the age of 22 I had completely debilitated myself from poor diet. For several years, I ate white pasta and chocolate bars every day. Most days I ate nothing else --no fruits, no vegetables, no legumes. My body managed for many years on this --I walked and cycled avidly; worked in a physical job; etc.

In my early twenties, I started eating better, but the damage had been done. My body began to shut down. I was terrified, but was still not linking my health with my diet. At the worst point in my eventual and undiagnosed illness, I was unable to stand long enough to shower and unable to hold my arms over my head long enough to wash my hair. After a bath I would have to 'nap' on the bathroom floor before I could manage to crawl to the hallway.

My dad delivered my groceries to me. I once asked him to return a keg of apple juice "because the spout is broken". It wasn't. I just didn't have the physical strength to push the tab enough to allow the juice out.

I was chronically suicidal.

When I couldn't take it anymore, and was willing to do anything to become well, a doctor prescribed a diet free of any refined foods (white flour, sugar, etc), allergens (in my case, just about everything at that point, from chocolate to lentils) with high doses of particular vitamins. Within a week, I had recovered and was working.

After a year and a half on a strict diet (with some cheating --and immediate symptoms), I was able to eat normally. Since then, my policy has been to eat well at meals, and to make my junk food count. When my eating approaches start tipping the balance again, as they have clearly done recently, I have to take more drastic measures to get back on track.

The good news. My mom and I made 24 healthy, yummy muffins today. And I am still sugar free.

Coupon

Partners In Health! Remember, with Annie's matching pledge, that's now worth $10 to give people basic health care in the majority world.

Day 14 - Wow!

2006-06-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

Holy smokes! My friend Annie posted her awe (she knows how addicted I was) and wonder and...a matching donation to Partners In Health! Really?!? For how long, Annie? With your offer, my incentive goes crazy high --I may go sugar free forever! Okay, okay...I'll accept whatever cap you put on your amazing and exciting offer. I truly thank you, and the people benefitting from PIH's work probably do, too.

Today my mom came to town. She will make muffins (or help me make muffins). Super healthy ones --like those nice chock full o' stuff ones you get at nice bakeries. Molasses and honey are the sweeteners.

I am also going to figure out how to make a fluffy, no sugar cake.

This may seem easy enough to some, but I really suck at baking.

Coupon

D'oh! Esthetics! Ah well. I shouldn't be too disappointed with those. What I mean by esthetics is waxing, facial, back facial, or massage. All of those really help me with stress and anxiety, so I really should support myself to spend some of the savings on those.

Day 13

2006-06-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

I did it, but barely. Well, what's "barely", really? I wanted so much to eat crap. I didn't.

Since quitting sugar, today was the most anxiety/stress. Oh well. The refuge of sleep comes soon.

Coupon

Partner's In Health. That's so funny. I made equal numbers of coupons, and I usually pull one for PIH. That's awesome, because it's my favourite. I wonder why I keep lucking out?

Day 12 - Cash Cropping

2006-06-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

So far so good.

Thanks to Denny in Tasmania for an encouraging comment!

Speaking of inspiration, I am now a 'campaign'.

On another list, someone posted the following to my sugary dilemma.

I have just $500 a month to feed my family of six on, so $200 of that on junk food makes my jaw drop. Can't fathom it. And can't afford the addiction.

This is an important point regarding addiction. It is an extremely rare person that can "afford" addiction. One of the hallmarks of addiction is that it is controlling us.

As noted in the book Your Money or Your Life, our gazingus pin is that which is unnecessary, but we are allowing that cost anyway. This may be a car, more kids, junk food, alcohol, more square footage, hobbies, charity. We make trades, concessions, to keep the gazingus pin in our lives.

In one sense, I can "afford" junk food because I choose to have only one kid, no car, etc. In another, I can't afford it because it is not a conscious priority for me (hence my current action).

I worked in poverty-relief for several years and learned that in the minority world, it's not usually about what we can and can't afford as much as it is a question of financial priorities. One person prioritizes raising many children. Another prioritizes a car; another social enterprise; another cigarettes or travel. We each have to decide what we want to afford and what we don't, and go from there. Now, most of us wouldn't want to give our kids up, but a car? Junk food? An expensive hobby?

Yes, the larger question here being: "What do I want to afford?" And I don't want to afford junk food over other options.

Coupon

Partners In Health!

Day 11

2006-06-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

Today, despite sleeping only about four hours in the night, I had energy and calm. I felt quite centred all day, even while thinking about stressful things.

Had been looking forward to a rice milk/cocoa/molasses drink, but found a new organic fruit juice by HappyPlanet, so that was my sweetness today.

My fingernails are growing. Those who know me know how significant this is. Since childhood, I have bitten my nails to the quick --they have always been mere millimetres long. Yes, scary to look at. But they are growing. I seem to have stopped biting them. And yes, I believe my not eating sugar has everything to do with that.

I still struggle with the idea of junk food. I have been finding myself daydreaming about the texture of it, the lightness of it in my mouth.

They say it takes three weeks to establish a new habit. I wonder how I will feel after day twenty one?

Coupon

Partner's In Health. Wow --by the end of this, I may realize my dream of donating enough to build a little cement house for one family. These homes are a great step up for many, dramatically reducing vulnerability to disease. I think this is a perfect exchange. By my giving up sugar, I can create health for me and for others.

Day 10

2006-06-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

Ticketedy boo.

Had some more stress cravings today, cuz the shop that messed up the printing of my book won't deal with it, and there are large orders waiting. But every time that comes up, I remember that junk food won't help for longer than a few seconds. Okay, maybe minutes. Or an hour. But not forever, so might as well skip it.

Today I tried mixing fair trade cocoa, rice milk, and molasses. Yum!

And my mom will make me muffins next time she comes up. Double yum.

Things seem to have balanced out, in that I'm no longer eating copious amounts of alternatives to get by.

I was referred to sugarbusters.com or something. I'll check it out tomorrow.

Coupon

$5 esthetics. Oh! First one.

Day 9

2006-06-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

How much is there to write about what one is not doing?

I received a vote for molasses ingestion. Did a bit of research and it does look like a good fit! Lots of calcium, etc. So, even though I haven't seen it listed for anything tempting, molasses is in --which means I can make my favourite breakfast muffins. (As if I will.)

A few times today my thoughts wandered to crap, but every time was when I was dealing with my book being misprinted. Easier to deal with a craving when I could see clearly what it was about --and how little it had to do with the junk itself.

Coupons

One of my coupons is missing. Oh well. Today's is...the one that makes me happiest. I have raised $25 or $30 for PIH! They can do a lot with that!

Day 8 - Uh Oh

2006-06-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

This site was down last night, so couldn't post.

Survived a two year old's daytime birthday party. I adore cake and cupcakes with icing, and all the more those with sprinkles. None for me! They also served us pancakes* and I discreetly declined syrup.

By day's end, I think I had accidentally had some sugar, though --ate a big spoon of rice pudding from the east indian restaurant* and thought: "Wait, this must have sugar." Oh, I did not want to stop. But I did.

Uh Oh

Ajahn Sona will not be in town July 8th. He will come in September! September! Three months without sugar! Can I do it??!?!? I know I don't crave it *now*, but surely I will before September?!

Coupon

I think it was Partner's In Health.

*My policy is to not concern myself with any sugar that may be used as an ingredient in a restaurant, or otherwise served, meal. While the rice pudding was from a restaurant, it is not part of the 'meal' and is, therefore, sadly ineligible.

Day 7 - Yeehaw!

2006-06-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

Barely a thought about sugar --only to avoid it in my grocery shopping. No cravings. Also no more muscle aches. Still walking slowly.

This evening, made myself a hot drink from rice milk and fair trade cocoa powder. In the past, I would have topped that mug with a very tall serving of whipping cream --three times!

Question: Where should I be drawing the line? I'm not aiming for non-sweet, just non-health-destroying and/or addiction-feeding substances. I am definitely allowing myself whole sources, like fruit. But what is the peak of the slippery slope? I have so far decided against cane sugar, for example, but what about molasses, so chock full of nutrients? And maltitol?

Anyone?

I love no cravings. I love peace that endures despite so many crushing announcements, like my entire book order being printed from the wrong file. In my sugar days, that would have had me through the roof. Today, frustrated, disappointed, but calm and proactive.

Coupon

Yay! Partners In Health!

Day 6 - Ahhh...

2006-06-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

Today was easy!!! First, sugar didn't live uninvited in my brain. Second, I only thought about it once, and my response to self was a casual: "Naaah!"

I felt good all day. Tired now from tending to three part time jobs and parenting, but well and happy. An ex-smoker warned me not to expect every day to feel this good. She says the addiction lies in wait until we let our guard down then ::bam::!

A delicious drink is Tropicana's Grape Juice. No sugar and soooo good.

Coupon

Mortgage principle.

Day 5 - Clarifications

2006-06-05T18:38:00.000-07:00

Two people told me today that they read my blog and had had no idea I was feeling so blech.

I clarify: I wasn't by any means feeling constantly or deeply "depressed, anxious, snappish". I used to have these to an extreme degree, before I changed my diet the first time (twelve years ago), and I well know the difference.

When I eat sugar and other crap now, I have moderate and regular bouts of somewhat "depressed, anxious, snappish". I quit sugar because I don't want to experience even moderate (or mild) versions of these. Indeed, why would I? I need more energy now, with a toddler. I also have to compensate for less sleep. Finally, the last few hours of every day were feeling harder than necessary.

And I was really, really fed up with how difficult it was for me to make decisions. When I realized that was a symptom of depression, I said: "Aha!" And quit sugar.

The Best Day Yet

Today is the best day without sugar so far. I did skip lunch, but I left work early to make sure I could have a massive falafel pita before meeting up with my kid, walking him around, nursing, carrying, playing, etc, for the evening. As always, the meal made me want sugar. But the craving moved through me much more lightly than usual. My legs still ached and I am walking much more slowly than usual, but I feel clear inside. When we got home, we shared an apple and some lemon water. Good.

I feel very tired right now --not low blood sugary, just tired from being woken 9 (!) times in the night, working, etc. But happy about the first day without *painful* cravings. Hoorah!

Coupon

I'm going to draw my coupon early so I can shut my pc off for the night. Mortgage principle. (I never did get around to switching them.) Oh well. I can trade it for massage at the end of the month.

Day 5 - New Comment

2006-06-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

Received a new comment. Unfortunately, it was in all CAPS, the on-line equivalent of SHOUTING, so I couldn't publish it as-is. Here's the lowercase version.

stop skipping breakfast and lunch. no wonder you are feeling so crappy. eat something substantial with protein in it. like an egg and a piece of whole wheat toast for breakfast. a sandwich or soup and an apple for lunch. you are totally sabataging yourself if you don't start eating better overall. eliminating sugar and not eating well otherwise is asking for failure. i'm curious as to what you feed your child? if it is a healthy diet, you would be wise to follow suit for yourself.

Ya, I know...

The purpose of a web-log is to keep track, observe, and stay accountable. It is only through the blog that I became aware that I was skipping breakfast and lunch. (This info greatly surprised even me --hence the exclamation marks.) The first day I assumed it was a terrible anomaly. By the third day, it was cemented into my head as an awful lifestyle habit. As a result of the blogging, after a mere three days of that particular enlightenment I have, I am happy to report, changed my ways. I ate breakfast* today.

Yes, I am aware that if I eat nothing for even a couple of hours at a time, I am setting myself up for defeat. The web log, bless its heart, demonstrates this well. I have been eating far more (good food) overall since quitting sugar than before (remember my post about not saving money on this yet, for this reason?), but clearly need higher quantities in my first four hours.

My kid. Well, that doesn't have a lot to do with this, except that I want to set a different example for him. He is offered only the best. I find it much easier to prepare food for a child. Even the time** involved in slicing up a quarter of an apple for him, over cutting up a whole one (or two) for myself, factors in to this discrepancy.

But logging changes this. That's the whole point. I woke up this morning determined to eat two meals before getting to work this afternoon. One down, one to go.
__

*Plain yogurt with kiwi. Not everyone knows that you can eat the skin on a kiwi. A "fast food" then!

**I have always had issues with food and time. I hate how long food takes. I have a list on my fridge of good meals that involve 10 minutes or less and use that to eat at all.

Day 4 - Sludgey

2006-06-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

Man I love sugar.

I think about it almost constantly. I think about the textures of its various disguises. The degree of sweetness. The weight of it. I thought about it all the time before quitting, too. The only difference was that there was a more fun cycle. Diagnose the exact craving, run through mental database for the perfect fix, run through mental database of where that particular item or combo is available, finish some yucky chores before setting out. Then the finding and the ingesting...Ahhh...And an hour or so of sheer well-being.

These days I get no peak and no respite. Just the cravings. Skipped breakfast and lunch again (!) --off to get groceries on a handful of almonds. I felt extremely tired, blurry vision, etc. In the store I felt frustrated and irritable. Learned that bagels, a staple in my diet, have sugar. Damn. Wondered if this should be an exception. Insufficient mental energy to figure out exceptions. Grabbed boring bread instead. On the way home, I felt horribly weak. My legs hurt, felt I could barely push the stroller. Bones aching. (Just now thinking maybe I actually have a cold or something. My housemate does.) I felt almost angry that sugar was not an option. I wish I could eat it like normal people.

Today was the first day I thought sugar might be physically essential to my survival. Started doubting the possibility of doing this. But again, I've done this before and wound up *much* healthier.

D started smoking again, so I no longer have that to help me. But at least he is sympathetic to my withdrawal.

After that apple juice last night --drank two little boxes-- I had a wave of nausea. Then remembered that fruit juices are indeed a whollop --natural sugars, yes, but carried in an unnatural form --hard on the body.

Not sure I'm saving any money --I've been 'treating' myself to so many alternatives-- but I think that will shift once I get past the withdrawal.

Two other people are inspiring me. I wish I could comment on Maraelle's blog (cheer her on), but I can't bear to register for one more on-line gig. David's site is comprehensive, noting why he quit, symptoms of consuming and not consuming sugar, etc. I don't know either of these people, but we clearly share a similar struggle and goal. Go Maraelle and David!

Coupon

Alright!! Three days in a row I have drawn for Partner's In Health!

$5 for my mortgage
$15 for PIH.

(I should have asked people to pledge me, too!)

Day 3 - Part B

2006-06-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

Whew.

Shortly after writing my last post, in which I referenced 4o days in the desert, a temptress did in fact arrive on my back porch, offering a Reese's Peanut Butter cup...I yelped: "No! Get it away from me! Don't let me see it!" (I had actually told her I had quit sugar, but no one's taken me seriously until today. )

By evening, I had to have something. It wasn't going to be sugar, but something fun. I thought of Mrs Vickies Sea Salt and Vinegar chips. Surely, those were fine. I bundled baby into stroller and headed happily for the junk food store. Not a single, solitary snack without sugar! Ack! I looked at the ingredients on Mrs Vickies chips and even Michelina's Mac & Cheese. (Well, I wasn't sure actually. Is maltodextrin a sugar? Didn't want to chance it.) In the end, I chose five tiny apple juice boxes. Just apples and vitamin C. Cost exactly the same as a one litre box, and the single serving sizes felt like more of a treat. I'll make popcorn now.

Today has allowed for a lot of observation about the rituals that junk food allows. The little evening walk to the store. I like that. I need it. It's not enough to walk the same distance to, say, a mailbox to drop things off. The ritual of heading out, giving my baby an evening walk while treating and energizing myself for the final hours, is crucial. Apple juice and popcorn it is.

I feel sad about my sugar loss. Resentful, somehow. But I swear I have already been clearer and calmer since quitting. So I carry on...

Day 3 - Part A

2006-06-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

Skipped breakfast and lunch again. Finally had a handful of almonds and figs, but am super crashing now.

One thing I noticed in today's journey (distracting teething toddler until help arrived) is that although I felt sweets-satiated, as soon as I saw a junk food store I wanted to go in. I checked in with myself: "Why?" In that moment, it was because a lovely box of Bridge Mixture would be an internal respite from three hours of trying to distract a teething toddler. He could still be fussing; I could continue circling the blocks to put him to sleep; but I could be enjoying something at the same time. Candy is portable; the respite it provides can go anywhere I do.

A Comment!

If you look beneath the Day 2 post, you will see there is one comment. Click there for the full text.

First, thanks! Your comment helps me keep going. Part of it is just knowing someone is 'watching' and part of it is the reminder that we all inspire each other in any given direction.

"...frosted mini-wheats and frozen dinners."

Fear not, you can say this here.

"...fear of failure over longterm..."

Ya, that could do it. My sage advice: Do not aim for longterm. (On the other hand, the ol' 'one day at a time' never works for me. I just double up the second day.)

I like a medium range goal. Three days is a good one. It sort of 'reboots' you, giving you a kick start into new habits. Three days is also enough for creative alternatives to arise, a chance to see there are other options, time to be seduced by those.

Longterm doesn't matter. I expect I will eat sugar again in my life. But each time I quit, I see the benefits again. And every period off sugar gives me confidence that I can do it again. And if ultimately I spend only half my life off sugar, that will be 40 years of sanity, and better physical health overall.

"Maybe I should convenant to DO something instead of not do it."

Good thought! You could covenant to 'join a community kitchen' or 'make one salad a day'. If you like, I invite you to covenant with me. Alternatively, blogging is free and (for some) helpful.

"Is that guy coming to town on a specific date, or are you just having to last until he does?"

Rumour has it he may be in town July 8th. That's about 40 days. Like Lent for procrastinators.

Anyway, if he doesn't come then, probably September. To me, it's fun and exciting not knowing, or being in control of, the end date.

Thanks for your good wishes!

Day 2

2006-06-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

Yahoo! 48 hours!

Today wasn't so bad. A few half hour periods of cravings that made me want to cry, but lots of solutions.

Dried fruit helped but not very much. Rice milk brought sweet relief.

I ate extra meals. Drank a jug of lemon water. And when evening fell and I felt I needed chocolate to get me through the last couple of hours, I opted for green tea.

What helped the most, though, was knowing D was struggling at least as hard to steer clear of cigarettes. Sometimes in the same moments. I knew if he could do it, so could I, and that's what really got me through the critical ones.

Coupons

Last night I got to draw my first coupon. It was worth $5 against my mortgage principle. I was disappointed. I realized that no matter the financial benefits of that, it isn't as strong a motivator as I need. I wished I had pulled one for Partners In Health. So, I'm going to change my coupons. Partners In Health and massage, because that's something I always do really want and never let myself have.

In the meantime, I am choosing my second coupon right NOW. Drum roll...Hoorah! Partner's In Health! Yay! Instead of me eating crap I don't need, and that can only be doing me harm, I get to send $5 to my favourite change organization. For info about them, see pih.org or read Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracey Kidder. Even according to Charity Navigator, these guys make every penny count, going above and beyond the usual to implement systemic, medical and social change to support human life. Now *that* makes my day without sugar feel worth the effort.

Day 1

2006-06-01T17:30:00.001-07:00

So many dangers.

Today I witnessed many bad habits that sure can't be helping! First, skipped breakfast. Oh. That will make me want sugar soon. Okay, so fruit and [non-factory farmed] yogurt. Good.

Then skipped lunch. Oh. As my low blood sugar plummeted thought: "Oh, but [exciting work events] justify a Frostie and fries from Wendy's! Hoorah! What a blessed day!"

Oh ya...It doesn't...

When I passed my favourite ice cream bar, I winced. But quickly I sucked it up, stuck my tonque out at the building, and concentrated on an image of the monk who is, without knowing a thing about it, keeping me on track. (For a minute I simply considered the oh-so-many-more things he has given up and replaced with peace, sanity, happiness.)

I also announced my sugar-freeness to my next door neighbour, my Living Consciously Group, and my dad. Received some dried sympathy fruit. [Thanks, Deanna.] So good!

I still haven't eaten since breakfast. I'm famished. I am taking myself out for Aloo Tikki.

And...This just in! My friend has accepted the convenant. He has now been cigarette free for the same length of time. Go D!

Addiction is intense. All night I wondered: If I'm not eating sugar, what will I eat on the ferry? How will I celebrate my new temp job? How will I cope with my new temp job? How will I energize myself for my new temp job? And the excuses: I can't be detoxing during a temp job! I can't transition while caring for a toddler! Etc.

Bullshit. I've done this before; I can do it again.

May 31, 2006

2006-05-31T21:27:00.001-07:00

The Overview

I'm quitting sugar. No, I've quit sugar. An hour ago.

Besides regular food, here's what I ate in the 12 hours previous to quitting: orange creamsicle; cinnamon bun; chocolate macaroon cookie; my kid's chocolate chip cookie; chocolate brownie; one litre of chocolate soy milk.

And now I'm craving a Sprite. And if I were allowed a Sprite, I'd get a chocolate bar and a bag of Swedish Berries while I was at it.

Why Quit?

I'm exhausted and itchy.
My toddler picks up empty pop bottles, puts the spout to his lips, and throws his head back. Way back. And leaves it there. For long enough to (mock) down the contents. I am setting a bad example.
I'm anxious, depressed, stressed and snappish.
Most of my fix is factory farmed. Bad.
I lose $100-$200/mo to junk food. Not pizza. Twinkies.
I'd rather spend $100-$200/month on my favourite justice organization, on landscaping, on paying off my mortgage.
I weigh more than I want to.

The Plan

I am making coupons for myself. Assuming a norm of $150/month on crap --$5/day-- I am making loads of coupons for $5 each. Every day I don't eat junk, I can select a coupon. At the end of the month, I get to spend the money the way the coupons indicate.
I will post here daily.
I will enlist comrades to covenant with.

The Commitment

To eat no refined sugar until Ajahn Sona comes to town.